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FUCK MEN ;)

by Ergo Phizmiz

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1.
Ooh will you fight me stranger on the street who wants to bite me run away, leg it to the nearest pub and drink, drink, do your thing do it for the Queen and future King then go outside randomly attack a person then go home and cry a bit then get a plastic bag and put it on your head until your face is red and then you'll find before you suffocate you will go blind it's really fun maybe you can masturbate at the same time they say that doing that will make you blind unwind and listen to some ambient music you deserve it because you're worth it you deserve it because you're worth it Oh shit now the iceberg hits Oh shit now the iceberg hits Oh shit now the iceberg hits Will you dig holes and dance around them with me? Will you dig holes and dance around them with me? Will you dig holes and dance around them with me? Everyone knows the devil dances Come tango Come tango with me Come tango with me Come tango Come tango with me Come tango with me Everyone's a motherfucker Everyone's a cheat but it really doesn't matter when yer nimble on yer feet
2.
Hey mister would you like to meet my sister oops too late now you've kissed her would you like to come and meet our parents Trevor and Susan they'll make dinner you can look at the lino then you can get married and make some babies buy a house and talk with nice men and women who wear fresh suits and go on sabbatical find out about yourself in India My sister likes you but she likes my friend and you like me but we don't say anything and we sit at home and hate our friends Sing hey dilly do sing daffy down dilly If the coffee's good we will survive cos it is absolutely great to be alive you know and Your mortgage Has been absorbed into your magazine subscriptions your hobbies have been eaten by the earth you are swallowed by the ground My sister likes other things to do than hang around with you I've found that she enjoys my company you see
3.
Oh a cowboy needs an iPhone to navigate through life For the road ahead is painful full of misery and strife He needs communication with the great big world outside and to photograph his penis for his lovely cowboy bride Oh a cowboy needs an iPhone when he's heading cross the land oh a cowboy needs an iPhone don't you dog gone understand? Oh a cowboy needs a map app when he's on the lonesome trail for the navigate the landscape without one you're bound to fail he types in his co-ordinates and says “Hi Ho Silver, Go!” and he recommended SatNav to everyone he know Oh a cowboy needs a map app when he's headin cross the range oh a cowboy needs a map app oh ain't it mighty strange Oh a cowboy needs to Spotify cross the long and lonely days cause rememberin' all those cowboy songs sends him into a daze he can access all the music from his days down on the farm and he listens to the smooth jazz when he needs to feel calm Oh a cowboy needs to Spotify when he's heading cross the land oh a cowboy needs to Spotify don't you dog gone understand? Oh a cowboy needs Alexa all her dang feminine charms he would like to take that robut close and hold her in his arms and he'll ask her what the weather's like and the meaning of life and then when the singularity comes he'll take her for his wife Oh a cowboy needs Alexa when he's heading cross the range oh a cowboy needs Alexa well ain't it mighty strange
4.
So So 03:17
We will bring the bad things, dancing in your office will be a den of sin open up the cabinet, loosen your tie the time has come for you to die Look at all the bad things, grinning through the semblance that you think is you your Fairy liquid soul anew a contractual residue So So Comme ci Comme Ca So So Comme ci Comme Ca We have all the bad things, just for you You're not anti-Semitic, you just don't like Jews your spirit like a stale beer paracetamol and codeine is the answer here Watch the fire coming down eating up your nice small town oh what have the chapel learnt when the tapestries are burnt
5.
Oh dear well ain't the weather fucking weird shit it's been going on an awful long time why are you out jogging in it you say it's really good to be outside John and Sarah drive a 4 x 4 and they exist 2 x 2 they might be animals and John and Sarah are really just like you Why not drill a hole? Fuck yeah did you see the light outside hellfire it has been going all night I like the weather when it's tropical why it's like that is something rather topical
6.
I would rather drink a beer with Pol Pot than have anything to do with you your conversation leaves a lot to be desired your attitudes are stupid and I think you were born underneath a rock and you have stayed there since you first did squirt into this world Meconium suicide Meconium suicide Push too hard and pull too hard what have you learnt since you came out from underneath the rock what shadows have you cast what items have you bought what will you get for Christmas what will S atan bring you darling boy now go and chase the pigeons darling boy now go and chase the crows One makes one and two makes two the schoolteacher brings you out front and hits you with her rhythm stick the pain it sears but through the tears you see the terrified visage of crows that you have chased around and all the world feels better and the searing pain is pleasant go outside and hunt some pheasant you're a grown up now a big big boy oh life it is enormous joy Remember when you smeared your shit across the walls and nice white shirts were soiled despoiled your friends went home and washed their shirts but really it was always there the stink you made and so with pride you beam and strut about just like the pheasant you were hunting you're a big man now make no mistake you have it and you eat your cake and your first breath you eat it too and suicide will make you new yes suicide will make you new just suicide will make you new yes suicide will make you new Meconium suicide
7.
My emerald before you go to sleep there are one or two things I'd say to you When you walk throughout the streets at night don't you think it's fine, there's a hide behind When people offer you up the truth take a pinch of salt or a bottle full There's wolves there scattered about the place but they wear a mask of a human face You'll grow up, maybe you'll get a job and then you can hate all the things you do My darling before you lay your head Rewind Fall behind they can wait for you
8.
Mystic Meg 03:39
Time and energy that you gave freely in the past pays off in the present A magic meeting when you travel to a town built by a circular lake Smile more, a fresh outlook on problems, solve a few instead of behaving like dogs howling at the moon. Empty of feelings your true love can grow if your heart is still free then whatever your age you must never miss breakfast when all hope was fading ambition burns brighter to quiet tenderness then your wheel of health needs a really good push from a lawyer with a most unusual name Especially when someone tries to put the squeeze on your emotions There are signs your home lacks the serene colours Making food in a special setting in a place linked with medicine Soothe tension with mood balancing aromatherapy oils You are about to share in a strong, true love that cancels out even the bitterest of memories. If you are in a relationship, then you can really share love with your partner if you both turn from broken promises and fantasy hopes and focus on what is good between you. And all of this happens because the world is waiting, Waiting for one child Black, white, yellow, no-one knows But a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter, Hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone's neighbour And misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten
9.
Paul Potts 05:33
Paul Potts is a man he lives in a flat has sensible hair and a very squat dog who howls at the moon Paul Potts does too when there's nobody there in the dead of night then he trundles home with his very squat dog who resembles Paul Potts put the meat in the bowl and the meat on your plate and together you dine though you're putting on weight you're a good fat boy and everybody knows your dog and you Paul Potts, Scooby Doo Paul Potts, Scooby Doo Paul Potts at home with the very squat dog Paul Potts is squat and eats a lot and his dog does too your dog and you are a very nice pair Paul Potts over there is the place where you go those times when you need to feed your gullet sit with guys with mullets play a little round of darts join the conference of farts you breathe the air and your dog does too and I think he likes it more than you though you like it too get the dog a beer insist you're not a queer though if you're to be honest many long lonely nights you've thought that Richard Hammond was a bit of alright but that's for you yes that's for you and what's a boy to do but dream and drink and don't begin to think it's far too late at eleven o'clock to think of anything but parmo and your cock and you itch at your junk to some quite substandard funk Paul Potts, someone saw! But it's easy to ignore Later on at home Paul Potts, with your dog who is very, very squat the evening is hot so you open the window roll up your sleeves, and check that your dog isn't riddled with fleas Paul Potts, when you sleep will you dream and will your dog dream too?
10.
Happy Happy 03:00
Happy happy very very happy what a cheeky face what a cheeky face what a cheeky face happy happy very very happy Look my happy face Look my happy face Fuck you all and fuck you too Happy happy Maria Von Trappy Tell a nun to fuck off Tell a nun to fuck off Tell a nun to fuck off Happy happy very very happy Burning up the town Burning up the town Fuck you all and fuck you too for you will be the death of you your happy times are bright and new Happy happy very very happy Silly little fuck Silly little fuck Silly little Happy happy very very happy Watch it falling down watch it falling down Fuck you all and fuck you too Happy happy happy happy bitey Gnashy little teeth Gnashy little teeth Gnashy little teeth Happy happy we are all so bitey Bite your happy face Bite your happy face Fuck you all and fuck you too for you will be the death of you your happy times are bright and new

about

PRESS RELEASE
in the style of a particular type
of music journalist.
You know who you are.

FUCK MEN ;) , the new album from under-ground music leg-end Ergo Phizmiz (PLC), is a blisteringly brilliant barnacled behemoth of a record, a grand Panjandrum of juddering, stamping, tear-yourself-apart-and-reconstitute-yourself-like-the-corned-beef-you-are hardcore axe wielding cockpop. (Sometimes writing hurts me). Beats that grind and shimmer betwixt antiquarian synthesis devices and guitars like armies of barking, rabid hounds. Yet in this fractal chaos there is, like in every music journalist, a bleeding core of aching, almost catatonic, tenderness, where plaintive, forbidding violins tease the raw, unfiltered feeling from the robotic automatische klang-krieg that churns relentless from the belly of this motorik world. (Have I mentioned Hegel yet? Or do you already gather that I have a couple of introduction to philosophy books somewhere?) There is fear, bags of malice, squalling riotous symphonies of anxiety where demonic industrial incel cowboys screech and yodel in the precisely quantized aether. But there is, yet, a glimmering of hope – we record collecting humans need not descend into despair, for where the brave fear to tread, this oozing broth of techno rock'n'roll has the power to cleanse our acrid souls. (We forgot to use the word “visceral”, does that matter? What time is the Top Gear repeat on?)

credits

released June 13, 2018

Recorded on the 6th floor, Shoreditch.

Written, Performed & Produced by Dominic Robertson.
on Manvox, Electric guitar, Classical guitar, Casiotone, Korg Electribes, Violin

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Ergo Phizmiz London, UK

Ergo Phizmiz is a composer, writer, collagist, radio-producer, homemade opera-maker, performer, and multimedia artist. His work has been received around the world to critical acclaim, but somehow still seems to annoy some folks to the point of violence. Such is life. More at www.ergophizmiz.net ... more

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